Fighting the Good Fight and Respect

Do I respect my husband?

Off the cuff I'd say "yeah, of course I do." I respect and trust him, I affirm him and are submissive to him.
In fact, the mental image of myself is quite squeaky clean and very 'Proverbs 31', that is, until reality hits and I stop respecting, affirming and submitting.

I have been following Nina Roesner's blog for a while now, as well as the peacefulwife's blog who very much recommends Nina's writing.
So when I found out she had written a new book, and that it was directed at women to feel closer to God and their husbands, I ordered it.

Now this was back in July I'm ashamed to say.

I started the Respect Dare, followed religiously for a good...6 days. Yup. Out of 40, I did 6.
It's embarrassing really.
But I am back and trying to pick it up again and keep going, last time I put it down was because at that point I just couldn't even think about respecting my husband, or focusing on him rather than myself.
I figured, I had enough of my own issues as does our marriage and I just couldn't read about ways to "fix it" because doing something like showing respect didn't really seem like it'd do much, frankly.

As I was tidying up my desk, something slipped out of one of my many notebooks (I'm a journal hoarder) and fell to the floor.
I picked it up and slowly read my own familiar writing:

"I am a calm, well-balanced woman. 
I do not stress about the future, because I have assurance in God's provision.
My husband feels loved and respected by me.
I am organized and do not eat the bread of idleness.
I am humble and give my way often and happily.
My faith is strong and fruitful because of the daily time I spend with God.
I rely on the Lord alone for my happiness, not expecting others to make my emotions a priority."

I felt tears prick my eyes, there she was.

The woman I wanted to be.

She was faithful, loving, godly, understanding and lovely.

Everything I was not.

Then I remembered why I had written this, and where it had come from.
In the first few chapters you're encouraged to write your purpose statement. It doesn't have to be who you are right now, in fact it's probably the farthest thing from the truth, but it gave you the vision of who you wanted to be.
The light at the end of the tunnel.

I had forgotten it. Forgotten my vision, my focus, and I'm starting to feel strong enough to pick myself up and strive for my goal.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept my faith." ~ 2 Timothy 4:7

I will keep fighting and keep racing until I have won.

~ The Good Wife